


Armentum

by Cuchillito



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Homophobia, M/M, Multi, Old Men In Love, PTSD, Sirius Black Lives, Teenager Drama, Therapy, family dinamics, unhealthy coping mechanism
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-27
Updated: 2020-02-27
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:40:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22700368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cuchillito/pseuds/Cuchillito
Summary: The summer after third year, Harry leaves the Dursleys and starts living with his Godfather Sirius Black. He thinks that adapting to the new house would be easy, but he doesn’t know how to accept a parent love, it may get a little overwhelming.Sirius Black doesn’t know how to raise a teenager boy, sooner than later he notices that the Dursleys have left to many wounds on his Godson, traumas he doesn’t know how to fix.Remus Lupin isn’t the man he used to be, so when the pieces of his broken life are finally sticking back together he is afraid he would lost everything again.
Relationships: Remus Lupin & Harry Potter, Sirius Black & Harry Potter, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin & Harry Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 10
Kudos: 64





	Armentum

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first published fic ever, english is not my first language, but @Kresnica, who is a very nice person!, helped me out with the beta reading and the spelling mistakes! SO thanks em for been actually capable of reading this!
> 
> This fic would contain topics like depression, unhealthy coping mechanisms that could be triggering (like self-flagellation, smoking, drinking) physical abuse and homophobic language. But it is a story about family dinamics, learning how to be loved and love back, parenting, acceptance, therapy and others.
> 
> This chapter is about movings, aquatic creatures, late night tea and cigarettes.

Harry didn’t really care about anything going on inside the house in Privet Drive, he didn’t care about the heat or his uncle health, the man could have had a heat stroke right there or his hair could had burst into flames and he wouldn’t had noticed. His concentration was completely focused on the door. His bouncing leg was making a pretty annoying noise on the Hogwarts trunk under his feet. In different circumstances at least one of the Dursleys would have already yelled at him for been insufferable, but after last summer ‘incident’ involving that nasty woman, who was somehow related to him, floating away, the Dursleys haven't said anything directly to him. They acted like Harry was invisible, not acknowledging his presence at all. The issue was that it just made him feel just more anxious. He jumped out of bed to do — to do what? Because his body made him to, like he should be doing chores, despite the fact that no one had ordered him to since he was back from Hogwarts.

Harry hadn’t said anything to them either. He stayed in his room most of the time and got enough food from the fridge at nights so he could skip incredibly uncomfortable meals. He locked himself in the room most of the time.

He didn’t know what was worse, being pushed around and grabbed too hard, being shouted at until his uncle lost his voice like he had for the past years or this cold indifference that made his body respond out of irrational nerves and anxiety.

Since the Dursleys would rater act like Harry was invisible, he didn’t inform them of the life arrangements of the last months. The Dudleys didn’t know that his godfather and recently reclaimed legal guardian was about to pick him up. Dumbledore said that he needed to stay with his aunt at least a few days a year so the blood magic that protected him (and the Dudleys) didn’t fade away, and then he could spend the rest of the time at a safe place Harry didn’t know much about yet. Sirius didn’t specify anything about the house they were moving in, only that he was looking for something protected enough for Harry to be safe and spend a calm summer. 

Sirius, professor Lupin and himself had been exchanging letters since Sirius had been legally appointed innocent of the charges that were meant for Wormtail. The latter was now in a cell in Azkaban, hopefully rooting there for the rest of his life. Sirius didn’t waste any time after this, he cornered Dumbledore many times until the man finally said that Harry could stay with him, but only if he stayed with his ‘blood’ family first. 

Professor Lupin said that Sirius was really annoyed by this, that he wanted Harry as far away from the Dursleys as possible, and that he himself wasn’t at all pleased with the arrangement. Harry had written back that he was ok with it, since he would spend the rest of the time with Sirius. It was a honest statement, Harry swore, but it was a fat lie, he hated every second he got to spend around those people. That’s why the day Sirius was going to pick him up, Harry spent most of the day sitting close to the door, all things packed, practically vibrating with anxiety. 

He knew Vernon and Petunia Dursley were small minded, but they were not stupid. They could tell something was going to happen when Harry got all his stuff down on the first floor, and waited. Harry hated that they looked so full of themselves when the afternoon was getting close, like they knew that whoever was going to come had forgotten about it. He knew Sirius wouldn’t forget about it, they had been writing to each other for weeks, how could he forget?

Harry knew he might be looking a little bit insane staring at the door with enough intensity to set it on fire at any second. He was about to write a letter to Sirius asking him if maybe he did forget to come, when a loud noise came from the fireplace in the living room. He missed his uncle jumping in surprise but seeing him on the floor afterwards was satisfying enough. Aunt Petunia busted into the room asking what in the name of God was going on, just to find her precious and impeccable living room full of ashes which would never come out of her perfectly white set of armchairs, two strangers standing just in front of the fireplace, coughing a little. 

Sirius Black was standing there and he looked nothing like the last time he saw him. His straight long hair didn’t look like the nest it was when Sirius left for the trial. It looked neat and clean, ink black with stripes of grey a bit too pronounced for his age. He was wearing muggle clothes that made him look like some kind of band member, light blue jeans, a band shirt and combat boots. The most important part though was that he looked healthier, less bony, and his skin didn’t have that sick greenish color for lack of sunlight. He looked rested and well feed, nothing like the man he had been expecting. 

Professor Lupin was standing beside Sirius. He looked better too, younger somehow, youthful even, in earth colored muggle clothes as well, a light sweater and check printed pants. 

Sirius made eye contact with him and Harry’s heart started beating faster. He got the same sensation when Molly Weasley gave him warm hugs that left him wanting to stay there for a little longer, a comfort Harry didn’t know he has aching for until he was moving away from her arms.

Before wizards and Muggles managed to move, he was crossing the distance and hugging Sirius hard enough to knock the air from his lungs. He recovered fast and hugged Harry right back. Harry felt skinny arms around his body and a laugh that sounded more like a bark. 

“Harry! I missed you too!” Harry just hugged him tighter, and Sirius petted his hair a little. Harry really didn’t want to let go of Sirius but his uncle made a exaggerated noise with his throat and his body got tense before he let go of his godfather to stand at his side and look at whatever Vernon Dursley wanted. 

The man was standing straight to make himself look intimidating or at least trying to demonstrate superiority somehow, just like Harry had seen Lucius Malfoy doing a year ago. He even got the same disgusted look on his face. He held his supensors and filled his chest with air, like a frog. He looked at the wizards up and down and grimaced. Professor Lupin moved forward so that Sirius and Harry stayed behind his tall frame. 

“Good evening Mr. Dursley and family, my apologies for interrupting your day so abruptly. You see, we are here to discuss Harry living situation” the tall man clarified. “He is going to spend his holidays with Sirius, unless you have any objections. Though I suspect it won’t be the case.” Professor Lupin was smiling in a way that was clearly fake to match his polite tone. It sounded insulting. The professor obviously didn’t feel at all intimidated by his uncle. It was actually Vernon who looked uneasy in front of the man who was formidably taller than him. Harry looked up at him then, the wolf noticed it and smiled sweetly. Harry waved happily. “Well hello there Harry, I hope you’re ready to go.”

“I had packed everything already.”

“Excuse me, I wasn’t informed of this visit and I really do not appreciate your kind getting inside my house uninvited and making a mess on my living room. So if you could hurry up and leave I won’t call the police” his uncle said. His aunt moved to stand by her husband and Dudley hid behind them both, scared of the older wizards.

“Ugh, Verny, don't you worry! We are not planning to stay for dinner. I’d rather be back in jail than have to spend more time than it’s necessary looking at your sweaty face.” It was a really tasteless joke and quite insulting too coming from Sirius, but Harry couldn’t stop himself for chuckling. He looked away and tried to mask it by coughing. He failed, obviously. Vernon’s face was flushed and he was about to yell when Petunia interrupted. 

“Sirius Black? Weren't you supposed to be in prison? That’s what your kind said when they forced that disrespectful child under our roof.” Petunia was shocked, but not distracted enough to waste an opportunity to remind Harry how bad he was. 

“Aaaw, Tunny, sweetheart! I knew you wouldn’t forget me. I see you didn’t follow my advice about getting a divorce. Clearly Lily was the smart one.” Sirius mocked. Harry tried really hard to hold his laugh, but his relatives’ offended faces were just too much. “I’m gonna make this quick. Everything is already sorted out. You only need to welcome Harry here a few days a year, so that the magic protection that keeps your house and Harry invisible to dark wizards doesn’t fade away. This is the condition I was forced to accept.” Sirius didn’t stop his explanation when Vernon yelled at him for insulting their marriage. “I’d rather keep my godson as far away from you as possible, since, as I can see, you haven’t changed your mind about the wizardly kind.” Sirius added with disdain.

Anything Sirius said was just making Petunia and Vernon Dursley angrier. It didn’t matter that these were actually good news to them since they never enjoyed Harry’s presence in the first place. Harry knew though that the Dursleys would always be riled by anything related to magic, and that included Harry himself. Besides, Sirius was making little effort to sound polite or nice, not that the Dursleys deserved anything else.

“Let's go grab your stuff Harry!” The professor lead Harry out of the living room, ignoring his uncle shouting about how they could not enter their house uninvited. Sirius interrupted them with some nasty comment about Petunia’s bad interior design choices. By the time Harry passed the threshold, they were shouting at each other.

Harry and Professor Lupin reached the bottom of the stairs where he had left his trunk, his broom and the cage containing Hedwig. The elder man grabbed his trunk and broom while Harry picked up Hedwig’s cage, careful not to disturb the birb so much. Lupin smiled. “Let’s take this to the fireplace and then we can get the rest of your belongings.” 

“Um.. This would be it.” Harry said, uncertainly. Professor Lupin’s smile vanished.

“But this is just your school stuff. Is this all you own?” he inquired. 

“My Muggle clothes are there too.” Harry replied, as if that could improve the situation.

“Oh,” the elder man breathed in and out, trying to compose himself. He was trying not to have an outburst, the boy noticed. Remus Lupin wasn’t a man that got angry easily, but right now it looked like he was struggling to stay calm. “We better leave then.”

The man walked back to Sirius with the trunk. His godfather made eye contact with his friend. He could tell right away something was wonky. “What is it, Moony?” 

“Nothing. Are you done? We are ready to leave.” Professor Lupin said dryly.

When Harry pictured this moment in his head he was hoping for them to pick him up and leave as fast as they arrived, but it didn’t look like Sirius liked doing things the easy way. He realized, a way too fast, that Harry did not own anything else beside his school stuff and some Muggle clothes that could fit with all his supplies. It was easy to read that Harry had been mistreated for years. 

Sirius looked like he could kill someone right now and Harry really just wanted to go, he really didn’t need Sirius to make a scene. 

“Can we go Sirius? I really don't want to be here any longer.” Harry pleaded. His godfather relaxed his posture, understanding that this was not the time to make a show, for Harry’s sake, at least. Harry didn’t consider that his aunt wasn’t likely to let things go without tussle, though.

“You ungrateful little brat! I let you into my house, I fed you for years and this is how you thank me? Begging to leave when I gave you everything?” Petunia Dursley growled, getting dangerously close to Harry. He knew it wasn’t him leaving that was upsetting her. She was angry her act of selfless kindness wasn’t getting acknowledged, she was upset because the wizards weren’t thanking her for everything she had done, she was angry because Harry was stealing her spotlight. She was too full of herself to notice Sirius’ temper getting worse. He yelled back, stepping in front of Harry like a shield between him and his aunt.

“I know that in your little head you think what you did for Harry makes you a bloody Saint, but, actually, you are just a jealous bitch. I can not understand why Lily tried so hard to keep someone like you close. But it is over now.” The Dursleys gasped dramatically at the curse words while professor Lupin just rolled his eyes and motioned to Harry to move closer to him.

“Who do you think you’re to insult my wi—“. Sirius pointed his wand at Vernon’s face, stopping him from getting any closer. Or talking, or moving at all.

“Padfoot,” Professor Lupin warned.

“Listen, you better take a good look at you nephew, because this is the last time you’ll see him. And if he has to come here again it will be over my dead body.” Sirius placed a hand on Harry’s back, professor Lupin grabbed his shoulder and just like that they were on a street he had never seen before. He felt his legs buckle, but Sirius caught him in time, just before falling down. “I’m so sorry for my outburst! I didn’t even ask you if you had Apparated before. Are you good there, Harry?” 

“That was pretty awesome, actually! But I thought we were using the Floo.” Sirius relaxed, he was smiling brightly at Harry and he grinned back. His godfather helped him to stand straight. “Oh we used the Floo just to get ashes on Petunia’s ugly carpet.” 

Harry grinned at him. 

“We wanted to connect Petunia’s house to the Floo network, but I bet we won’t need it anyway” professor Lupin pointed out “Since you threw the compromise you made with Dumbledore out of the window.” 

“It won’t hurt if he doesn’t know right away,” Sirius said, “besides, he should had thought it better, knowing that I am liable to break the rules.” 

The werewolf laughed. “We’ve got a long year to decide how to tell him that Harry isn’t going back to live with Petunia. We’ll figure something out.”

“Where are we going then?” Harry wondered.

“At my parents old house. It is overprotected with ancient security charms. It is rather old, but it is in the very heart of London so we can move on foot. And it is huge. It wasn’t my favourite option, but it is the safest for now. Remus and I couldn’t find anything safer in such a short time,” Sirius said apologetically. He pointed his wand to the buildings across the street. They looked old and the street was empty although it wasn’t dark yet.

Suddenly, in between the doors numbered eleven and thirteen (which looked like some kind of mistake) a new building was emerging, going unnoticed by the neighbours Harry could see through the windows.

“Welcome to the number twelve of Grimmauld Place, Harry!” 

*

Sirius explained a few things about the big house. The ancient house of the Black family. There was his mother’s portrait which started screaming the moment they got inside. Sirius had made a lot of research to find a way to take it down, but nothing had worked so far. His mother Permanent Sticking Charm was too strong, so they just kept her portrait covered with large heavy curtains.

They advanced to the kitchen right away. It was large and full of old furniture. Professor Lupin waved his wand and the plates resumed their cleaning and organizing back into the kitchen cabinets. They told Harry that there was a very old house elf named Kreacher who slept in one of the cabinets. He had an awful vocabulary and muttered slurs around anyone that didn’t meet old Walburga Black blood status expectations. Sirius had tried to free him or to find him a new job. He had even ordered him to leave the house, but nothing worked. Harry said it wasn’t a big deal. 

“I used to hope he’d die with my mother. I guess I'm not so lucky.”

They had stew for dinner. It was delicious or maybe Harry was just that hungry. They gave him a big plate he cleared maybe too fast and when he finished Sirius put more food on his plate without asking. While Harry was still eating, professor Lupin and his godfather had some tea. 

“Harry” Sirius said. Harry, his mouth full, made a sound to let him know he was paying attention. “Look, I really don't like that we have to stay in here. There is no safer place, though, for now at least. We’ve been trying to make this place look decent so you can enjoy your summer. I really want you to tell me if there is something you don’t like, ok?” 

“I don’t really care where we stay. I’m happy to be here with you and far from the Dursleys.” It was the truth. Harry just wanted to spend his time with Sirius, make up for the lost time. Where they stayed was the last of his worries. Sirius looked happy to hear that, but Harry couldn’t avoid noticing the pain in his godfather’s smile.

“We can take a tour around the house after dinner. We did as much as we could before picking you up. Remus painted your room and took all the paintings of the crazy old Blacks off the walls. I worked on the hall and fixed some more things.” 

“While I would love to hear more about my amazing abilities, I think there is something else we should discuss.” Professor Lupin took a sip of his tea and let the cup made of a refined looking porcelain back on the table. “You don't have to answer unless you feel like it, but there is something I’d like to know, Harry. Is that trunk all you own?” 

Harry really didn’t want to go into details about his life with the Dursleys. He wished he could pretend like all those years never happened. He’d never discussed it with anyone, not even Ron or Hermione. Not even when Ron asked if he wanted to talk about the nightmares that kept him awake back at the castle. He knew that Ron suspected something, but he was too nice to press the subject. Harry was glad about that. He didn’t want people figuring out that maybe his head was a bit messed up because of his relatives. That small spaces made him really anxious. That he had never owned more than a few second hand clothes and toys. 

“I told you before, this is all I have.” Harry made a sour face. Professor Lupin and his godfather looked worried and angry. He knew they didn’t need to ask to understand what was obvious - the Dursleys never cared for his well being. Still Harry knew they were not likely to drop the subject until he admitted it. He could see it on their faces.

“All I have is what I’ve bought in Diagon Alley before school and some old clothes that used to be Dudley’s.” Harry sounded apologetic, like it was his fault his aunt and uncle weren’t better people.

“That settles it, then!” Sirius clapped his hands. “No more talk about the Dursleys, tomorrow we are visiting Muggle London to find you a new wardrobe.” 

“Perhaps, we could have lunch in that Chinese restaurant you like, Sirius. I’m sure Harry would enjoy it,” professor Lupin said calmly, like neither of them was about to jump back to Privet Drive to hex the Dursleys.

“I might be addicted to Chinese food,” Sirius admitted.

Harry was bewildered by the fast change of subject and the way the two men complemented each other. Instead of cursing the Dursleys and forcing Harry to reveal every detail about his poor lifestyle with his relatives, they just focused on finding a solution. Which in this case, was a shopping trip. They had already done so much for him, he didn’t deserve this, he really was fine with what he’d already got.

“What!? No!” Both men looked at Harry in surprise. “You can’t, you don’t have to. I’m fine, really!” 

“Don’t be absurd Harry. I really want to do it! This is what godfathers do!” Sirius claimed. “Besides, you’re under my roof now. I can buy you half of London if I so choose,” Sirius said, tapping Harry’s forehead with one bony finger. He pointed to the professor next: “Same goes for you, like it or not!” 

Harry wanted to protest. He looked at his professor for help, but the man looked resigned to his fate. Harry already knew Sirius was stubborn. Maybe there were some things you couldn’t fight about with Sirius, because he’d never change his mind. Professor Lupin had written in his letters that Sirius had visited Dumbledore’s office uninvited every day to demand Harry could live with him, until Dumbledore had given up. How many times had professor Lupin and Sirius fought over this?

It didn’t make Harry any more comfortable with the situation. Harry got back to eating, Sirius noticed Harry felt conflictedabout letting Sirius take care of him. He sighed.

“Look, if it makes you feel any better, you can pay for our lunch tomorrow. Does that sound ok?” Harry nodded with his mouth full. This way he did feel less like he was imposing. “Alright.”

There was one more question still floating in Harry’s mind.

“Are you going to live with us, professor?” He liked him a lot and he had already spent a year with him at school. He liked the idea of professor Lupin staying close. It had never occured to Harry he might had lived there with them, but he didn’t mind the possibility.

“Yeah! Isn’t that great, Harry?!” Sirius answered happily. 

“Yes! You’re very nice, professor! I’m sure it will be awesome to live with you.” Harry exclaimed.

“Thank you! I'm glad you’re happy I’m staying,” he smiled softly at Harry. “Anyway, it is going to be uncomfortable for us both if you keep calling me ‘professor’. Since I no longer teach at Hogwarts, you can call me Remus instead.” 

“Isn’t this a bit disrespectful?” It felt wrong, like calling professor McGonagall ‘Minerva’.

“Oh, so I get to be just Sirius, but if he calls you Remus it is disrespectful” He put a lot of emphasis in the syllables of the last word, but he seemed amused by the situation. “Why don't you call him Moony, then? He likes it and it is less awkward than calling him by his first name, right?

“Well, that’s a option.” 

“Ok, I’ll try then… Moony,” Harry hesitated.

“Good! Now, if you’re done eating, why don’t we go and see the house?”

*

They moved from the kitchen to the dining room. The room had a long wooden table in the middle, with and exaggerated amount of matching chairs, hanging light fixtures and an incredible tall shelves that hold most of the old Black china. Sirius said they had to buy new silverware because it was, indeed, made of silver. It had burned Moony many times while he was trying to clean it up. They also had quite a fight with the spider infestation inside the cabinets.

There was a long staircase that lead to the second floor. Its wall was freshly painted in some deep blue color, because they had to rip shrunken house-elf heads out of it and they had come out with most of the already awful wallpaper. That had been one of Walburga Black’s darkest decor ideations. “I swear my mother was one of a kind!” Sirius commented.

Upstairs there was a small bedroom, ‘perfect for visits’, and a clean white bathroom with a big fancy bathtub and gold ornaments everywhere. The most important part of the floor though was the drawing room, a large room with wide windows and green heavy looking curtains. The room smelled dusty, despite both men’s great efforts to clean every single corner. There was a liquor cabinet and shelves full of old and ‘not made for children’ looking books and bottles with doubtful contents. The couches, the carpet and everything that decorated the room hadn’t changed since Sirius lived there. The only exception was some stuff Moony had brought from his office at Hogwarts, like the Grindylow tank. The green lake creature hissed at Harry from behind the glass barrier. 

“Her name is Sonia,” said Moony, waving at the creature that just made hostile gestures at them. “She must be getting hungry. I will bring her food when we are done.” 

“I think that thing just wants to murder us all on our sleep,” Sirius said with disgust, crossing his arms over his chest. “Weren’t you going to free her into the lake?” 

“Yes, when her fingers are healed,” he said, sounding like he had already had this conversation with Sirius before. 

“That means she won’t be able to protect herself, you know, because her fingers will incapacitate her,” Harry said.

“That’s right Harry! I see you paid attention during my classes.”

“Of course, they were brilliant! I don’t think we could get a better teacher. Even Fred and George though so, and they had been there longer that me.” Harry made it sound like it was obvious. “Sorry you had to leave!” 

“Hey, it was not your fault! It was just a precaution, and I feel fulfilled by having been able to make the difference. So don’t feel bad about it!” He was smiling genuinely at Harry and rubbed his back to comfort him. “Let’s keep going, this house is enormous.” 

Sirius was leaning on a wall with his arms still crossed over his chest, looking at them with fondness. It made Harry feel a little self conscious.

None of them pointed at the old Black family tree that was still hanging on one of the walls. Harry didn’t know it yet, but later that summer Sirius would tell him the story about how his name had been blasted from the tree, why he had to run away. About his parents obsession with blood status and their abusive behavior. How the Potters had adopted him as one of their own. 

The next floor had three more rooms. One was now Moony’s new office. It was spacious and full of books that ‘Harry didn’t have to ask to use’ Moony had said. The room was a mess though. They didn’t have much time to organize it, so there were piles of books everywhere, trunks labeled with Moony’s initials, papers, a big wooden desk cluttered with bottles of ink and empty tea cups, and some framed pictures. The room screamed Moony. Harry really liked it. 

There was a room with two twin beds that they didn’t have the time to clean. The portrait in that room shouted curses and Sirius closed the door right away. He said he wanted to move one of the beds into Harry room for when Ron came to visit. 

“Can he come!?” Harry had never been allowed to bring friends home at the Dursleys, so he was incredibly excited by the prospect of inviting friends over.

“And Hermione too if you want. All your friends are welcome.” Sirius grinned. He stood in front of the last door of the floor, one hand on his hip and the other holding the door knob. “And now, the big reveal!” he said theatrically.

He opened the door. The room inside was illuminated by the lamp on the bedside table and the street lights filtering through the large open window. It was the cleanest room in all the house Harry had seen so far. It looked like a room from Muggle magazine about home decor. 

There was a twin bed with a bright red puffy cover and yellow sheets, matching lamps and pillows, a night table, a desk pressed under the window with its chair, a large closet and a bird swing. 

Harry was stunned, the room was beautiful. Too good. Sirius and Moony must had worked really hard for the the past days to make it look like the room didn’t belong to the house. It looked like they had stepped into a completely different place. Harry had never seen a room like this before. His own back in Privet Drive had been dark, empty and incredibly depressing. This one though was colorful and pretty. There was also a stuffed lion that made the room look a bit childish.

Harry moved closer to see the two small picture frames on the bedside table. There was a picture of his parents. They were side hugging and waving enthusiastically with big smiles. It was summer in the picture, the sunlight made everything look bright.

The next one was of Harry, Ron and Hermione. They were sitting on Hagrid’s armchair by the fireplace. Ron was in the middle, looking tall and proud with one of his arms around Harry and the other around Hermione. The three of them were laughing at something Harry couldn’t remember. The memory was still fresh in Harry’s mind, otherwise. They had visited Hagrid one afternoon for no other reason that hanging out with him. He had asked them to pose for the picture and then Ron had said something that had made all of them burst out laughing. 

“Hagrid has given Remus a copy of that picture before he left,” Sirius said behind him. “We thought you might like to have it in your room.” 

Harry turned to look at his godfather with wide eyes. “This room is mine!?”, he said, perplexed.

“Actually, this house is yours,” Sirius clarified. “Do you like it?” 

“It is brilliant! You really didn’t have to do all this, I would had been fine with anything.” They didn’t have to bother so much for him. Magic or not it was a lot of work to clean this much in such a short time and just because they didn’t want him to feel uncomfortable. Harry was confused about how to thank them. Nobody had ever invested so much time on him before, just to make him happy. 

There was a loud noise, followed by another shortly after. Moony had apparated to bring Harry’s trunk, broom and pet into the room. He opened the cage to let Hedwig see her new swing. She chipped happily, flipping her wings.

Everything they had done was insanely thoughtful. The pictures, the swing for Hedwig, the room’s colours that reminded him of the Gryffindor’s common room. Suddenly he felt he needed to be alone. His throat was getting too tight, like he was about to cry. But he wasn’t going to, not in front of them, at least. 

Remus noticed he was struggling with staying calm and emotionless. He grabbed Sirius by the arm and escorted him out of the room. His godfather looked worriedly at Remus, trying to figure out why Harry was on the verge of breaking down. 

“We’ll go, so you can sort your belongings, alright? You can find us if you need anything,” Moony said. He was trying to sound nonchalant, like he didn’t noticed Harry’s watery eyes. 

“Thank you!” Harry answered quietly. The door closed behind him. He distinguished Sirius’ voice in the hallway, but couldn’t understand what he said. Then he heard both men walking down the stairs. 

Harry did not cry. He swallowed hard and kept all the tears inside. He changed into his pajamas and went into the bed. It was soft and smelled of flowers. He turned the lamp off and placed his glasses on the bedside table. 

He tried to sleep right away, but his body was feeling numb. His mind was spinning with thoughts and voices telling him he didn’t deserve this. He could hear his uncle yelling and Sirius saying he was worth it. He dug his nails into his bicep to feel his body again. He tried to slow his frantic mind, but the feeling that he didn’t belong in this warm place didn’t go away. 

Some less dark part of his mind reminded him that he had experienced this before. There had been a time when he had thought Hogwarts was too good to be something he deserved. So this feeling was going to pass, just like it had back in first year. His aunt couldn’t catch him here and wasn’t going to try to bring him back to Privet Drive. She wasn’t going to and, anyway, Sirius had no intention to let him go. 

Harry was emotionally exhausted after spending so much time panicking. He kept repeating himself he was overthinking. Things were better now. This had been his place all along, he had just missed out on it because Sirius had been kept away from him. But this belonged to him since his birth. 

His arms were sore, but it didn’t affect his sleep. Before he noticed, he was dreaming of infinite rooms and sea creatures floating in the hallways. 

The door of his room opened, but he didn’t wake up. The man at the door watched him breathe calmly. He closed the door paying attention not to make any noise and left. 

*

He put his glasses back on. The clock on his desk read 1:20 am. He knew he was unlikely to fall back to sleep anytime soon. He wasn’t sure what his nightmare had been about this time. At least he didn’t wake up covered in sweat, like many other times. 

Given how drained he had felt after such an eventful day, Harry had been counting on a good night sleep. This is how it usually went after a stressful day, e.g. after Quidditch practice or games. It also tended to happen after days with too many tests or when he was expected to kill gigantic snakes inside some hidden chamber at school. It looked like moving into a new home and having sensitive discussions didn’t tire him as much as he thought it would.

After turning in bed for twenty minutes, he decided that tea might help him. He was now allowed to go into the kitchen without asking permission or tiptoeing to avoid being caught assaulting the freezer. No one was going to yell at him for eating too much. He was allowed to do what he wanted around the house. It felt like he was in some fucked up fantasy. He was feeling anxious, his mind kept warning him that this could end. That somehow he didn’t deserve to be free and serene in his own home. Because this is where he was now, his home, not the Dursleys’ house. This was now HIS house, all of this was also his. Sirius had made sure to remind him of that in multiple occasions the previous day. 

He walked down the stairs slowly, careful not to wake up any portrait, especially the one with Sirius’s mom. He heard voices coming from the drawing room. He wasn’t expecting Sirius and prof - No, you don't need to call him that— and Moony to be awake. He head his name, but they were not talking to him. They were talking about him. He kept quiet to listen. He knew those men weren’t the Dursleys. Harry was not about to listen to them talking about how they hated to have him. His insecurities were stronger than his rational thoughts, though. 

From this spot he could see Sirius curled up in the couch with a blanket around his shoulders and a glass of firewhisky held with both hands. He looked a bit like a child with his knees close to his chest. He was wearing pajama pants and a shirt that was a way to big for his skinny body. Moony was there too. He was in his pajama pants and night robe, sitting close to Sirius despite the fact that the couch was long enough to fit several people. His legs were stretched, which made him look even taller that he already was. Like Sirius he was holding a glass in one hand and he had a cigarette in the other. That was something Harry didn’t know about his old teacher. It was the first time he’s seen him smoking. 

“I told you before, Pads. Harry is happy to be here with you. Merlin! You had been back for maybe a day and he was already obsessed with you.” Moony’s voice was cheerful, and maybe a little drunk, and Sirius laughed softly. “Just like when he was a baby. You’ve always been his favorite. Remember how pissed Pongs was when his first word was ‘Pad’?” 

Sirius laughed louder this time. Moony took a drag of his cigarette. Sirius’ smile was sad and Harry hated to see him so troubled. Sirius sighed.

“I hate that it took me so long to leave Azkaban. I missed everything! I don’t even know what he likes. This was not what they asked us to do Moony. We are his godfathers. He is almost an adult now and I don’t know nothing about him.” Sirius emptied his glass in one gulp, his hands shaking. “How are we supposed to raise a child, Moony?”

What did he mean by saying they were his godfathers?

“Well for starters, Harry is not a child. He is a teenager, he already knows how to take care of his own basic necessities like eating and how to stay clean. He probably knows more than most of the kids his age.” The man moved over Sirius so he could light a new cigarette with the remains of the one he finished. He tossed the cigarette butt in the ashtray. He sat back and lighted another cigarette and handled it to Sirius. “What he needs now is orientation and contention. He already trusts you, so he’ll come to his godfather for advice.” Remus took a drag of his cigarette. “You will do fine Padfoot. Harry loves you and looks up to you. You just need to do what feels right. He looks happy to be here.”

“I don’t know Moony. Jamie was the one that always knew what to say to make us all feel better. What if I screw up? What if he comes to me and I say the wrong thing?”

“You’re not giving yourself enough credit. You’re smart and kind. You will figure out what to say. You have done it in the past, you can do it again.” 

“In the past I kept saying the wrong things. I messed it up big many times. Azkaban never let me forget that. And my mind is damaged now.” Sirius was hiding behind his hair, he looked like a kicked puppy. 

“You made up for all your mistakes in the past. You’re consequent and your heart is in the right place.” Moony sounded desperate to make Sirius understand his point. “And your head is not damaged! Sirius, you’re hurt and working on healing yourself. That's good! It just proves my point that you DO know what to do.”

The stayed quiet for a while, processing. Harry was afraid they could hear him breathing or the way his heart was beating. They both smoked for a while. Harry had never considered that Sirius could be struggling too. It suddenly occurred to him that this man was barely out of jail and trying really hard to give him everything he needed. And here was Harry being difficult, making things even harder for his godfather.

Harry wanted to fix this.

“You’re right Moony, you always are. I guess this will never change. We need to focus on what he needs now. I will get to know him and I’ll learn along the way. I believe can do this.” Sirius said. He sounded optimistic. Harry was eager to have a future with Sirius and Remus. “Also, fuck the Ministry! You know you are his godfather too, even if the Ministry didn’t let us sign you up legally. They are idiots! You’re a hundred times better equipped to raise a kid that some people I wish never dared multiplying, like Petunia! Or my mother.” 

The mood lighted up after that. Harry was still trying to process Moony as his godfather too. Was it possible to have more than one? Labels didn’t really matter at the end. He was there anyway, caring about Harry. 

Sirius got closer to Remus. He spoke in a small voice.

“What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Are you happy, Moony? Is it ok for you to live here with us?” Sirius was staring closely at the other man. Harry felt a bit awkward, spying at them like this. It felt like a very intimate moment, but he did not look away.

“I know I haven’t told you, but I keep feeling like I am in a dream. I fear I’m going to wake up and Harry will be far away, the revelations from that night just a product of my imagination.” Remus glass was empty. He placed it on the couch and used his now free hand to move a strand of Sirius’ hair behind his ear. “I guess you are not the only one whose head is troubled.” 

“This feels very real. So we are either having a case of collective madness or a very realistic hallucination.” Sirius said. Moony smiled sweetly at him.

“I am really happy Sirius. I'm happy you’re back in my life. I still wonder how I managed to live so long without you.” 

“I guess you’re not avoiding this subject anymore,” Sirius smiled. “I don’t think we can go back to how things were but... we can try to be together again. Obviously if you’ll have me.” 

Remus smiled and pressed his forehead against Sirius’. His godfather was holding his breath, the hold on his glass got tighter. He closed his eyes when Moony’s free hand ghosted his jaw to get on the back of his head under his straight hair. 

“I’ll love to.”

Harry felt he shouldn’t be seeing this. 

They kissed very slowly. When they stopped, neither moved away, their foreheads touching again. Sirius opened his eyes to stare at Moony, smiling. Hid godfather had laughing lines at the corners of his mouth and Moony kissed them, then moved to his cheek and his temple. Sirius giggled. Moony grabbed one of his hands and intertwined their fingers together. The other hand was still holding his cigarette. He nuzzled Sirius neck and rested his head on his shoulder for a while.

“I'm very glad you decided to shave that mustache, or else I wouldn’t had allowed you to kiss me.” 

Moony pulled away and groaned dramatically at the ceiling. “You are an arse, way to kill the moment.” 

Harry was in shock. He had never seen two men kissing before. He’d seen two Muggle men holding hands at the store once and aunt Petunia had made a scene about it. She had used many words he could not understand. She’d said that men like that need medical help, that they were disgusting. Harry had been nine when that had happened. Back then he believed anything his aunt said. He still hoped he could somehow persuade her to be as sweet with him as she was with Dudley. So when she had said that he had believed it to be the truth. Now though he was pretty sure everything Petunia thought had to be wrong.

Sirius was nothing but nice to him and so was Remus. They joked and looked happy to be around each other. They complemented each other and tried to make the other happy. They hated when the other talked himself down. How could this be bad? Harry was now ready to believe the opposite of everything the Dursley had taught him. And this also meant being ok with Sirius being - what was he? He wasn’t sure how to call it, because the only words he knew were the ones his aunt had used in disgust. They were likely to be offensive, slurs. Just like that word kids called Hermione because she was Muggleborn. It was the same thing, right? Or maybe it was like when his uncle called him a freak. He hated it, because he couldn’t prevent himself from being a wizard. Why would Harry hate Sirius for been happy with Remus? Love was something no one could control. He wasn’t going to hate anyone for something like this. Not now, not ever. 

Harry decided he had seen enough. He had learned a little more about the people he shared a home with. This much information was exhausting him, but he still wanted that tea. He tried to walk to the kitchen, but stumbled into some old decor vessel. He caught it before it hit ground, but there was no hope to stay undetected with all that noise.

“Did you hea - Harry? Is that you?”, Sirius asked. Harry peeked through the door, embarrassed at being caught.

“Ah—shit!” Moony took Sirius cigarette and killed them both in the ashtray. “Hi, Harry!” 

“What's wrong, kiddo? Are you having troubles sleeping? Do you want to sit here with us?” They made some space for Harry between them both. Sirius offered him a spot under his blanket, stretching his legs on the carpet. Harry accepted it, hugging his own legs. He felt kind of sad for interrupting their moment. “Sorry, we stink. “

“It’s alright. I didn’t know you smoked.”

“Not like I used to. I used to be like a chimney when I was younger. It is a nasty habit. Remus, though, was jealous because I looked so punk rock.” Harry laughed.

“Don’t say that to the kid! Smoking is not cool Harry!” Sirius laughed at Moony and Harry thought that there was no way his aunt was right. There wasn’t anything wrong with them. “Don’t laugh! If I catch Harry smoking I am making you eat the cigarettes, Padfoot.” 

“Ok, ok, sorry mom! Harry, smoking is bad and not punk rock.” His godfather didn’t sound strict at all. Remus had the same expression Hermione got when Ron and himself weren’t listening to her.

“I mean it, Sirius.” Remus stood up. “I’ll go make you some tea Harry. It will help you to sleep.” He left the drawing room and tripped on his own feed. “I’m good.” 

Sirius snorted. “He is so bad at holding his alcohol. I bet you he’ll break something.”

“Is he always like this?”

“Not really. He has never been a big fan of drinking. He used to take care of James and I. He’d prevent us from embarrassing ourselves too much and he’d carry us to bed.” Sirius started caressing his hair. It was nice. Harry rested his head on Sirius’ shoulder. “Moony is good like that. He worries too much, although he tries to act like he doesn’t.”

“He is nice and polite too.”

“Oh don’t let him fool you with his fancy words Harry. He is a petty bastard, kind of an arse. He called Snape ‘Severus’ an entire year because he knew how much it would annoy him.” Harry giggled. He remembered Moony calling the Potions professor with a mocking tone and fake smile.

They heard what sounded like a cup shattering on the kitchen floor and then Remus cursing clear and loud. Sirius barking laugh made Harry jump.

“Told you!” Sirius said. “It’s been twelve years and he still breaks a cup once a week. He broke all of your mother china at least twice back in the day.” Harry wondered if Sirius knew this much because they were best friends or because they used to be a couple. It actually sounded like they were a couple now! “I think we’ll have to buy some new crockery pretty soon.”

Sirius voice was full of admiration and affection. Still it didn’t sound nothing like when aunt Petunia spoke about her husband. She always was overly sweet to the point it sounded more like an act. His aunt kept boasting about how good at everything her husband was. She’d claim he was such a hard worker, despite the fact Harry mostly remembered him spread on the couch in front of the television. Then again, Sirius laughed and made fun of his —his boyfriend’s?— quirks, but it was done with genuine affection. His imperfections sounded like virtues in his words. An ungainly werewolf prone to breaking cups who painted a room so Harry could feel comfortable. 

All these adjustments made Harry feel dizzy. Only yesterday he was being ignored. Terrified he’d do something the Dursleys wouldn’t like and end being pushed into that dark cupboard again, no light or dinner. And now he was being spoiled. A room that was just for him, plentiful meals and late night tea to help him sleep. Two men who loved him for no other reason that he was Harry, the son of a friend of theirs. They really didn’t have to do this. Harry was not their responsibility and yet there he was, held by his godfather like he was four and not almost fourteen. 

He wanted to ask him so many things. Not just about his mom and dad, but about these two men he was living with now. He wanted to know about their favorite things and their life before the night that changed their it so dramatically. He wanted to learn about their relationship too. Was it weird that he was curious about it?

“Sirius?” 

“Umm?” 

“Are you… I mean, umh... Do you love Moony?” 

“Of course I do. He's my best friend. Why?” Sirius replied with no hesitation, but it wasn’t the answer Harry was looking for.

“No, I mean… Are you two together? Like a couple kind of together?” Harry was rigid, worried that he was maybe crossing some invisible line between them. I messed it up, it was a mistake...

“Oh,” Sirius stopped stroking his hair. He tensed. Harry wanted the Earth to swallow him. It felt like an eternity before Sirius spoke again: “Do you... Do you mind?” 

“No.” 

“Oh, Merlin’s saggy pants, Harry! You almost gave me a heart attack.” Sirius let a shaky laugh out. “Oh, sweet Godric! You sounded so grave.”

“I’m sorry! I didn't know how to ask. I’m sorry I made it awkward.” Harry could finally breathe again. He smiled shyly.

“It’s alright. Do you really don’t mind?” 

“I don’t. I actually didn’t know you could date a man. I don’t even know how to call it. Because there is a way to call it, right? I’m pretty sure the words aunt Petunia used aren't right.” Sirius snorted.

“I bet they aren’t!” Sirius didn’t sound surprised. “I think I was your age when I told your dad about it. I am gay and that's the right word to use. And Moony is bi, by the way. He likes both men and women.”

“You can do that? Like them both?” Harry was surprised. He moved to have a better look at Sirius. He was shocked about his own excitement over this.

“Obviously! Nothing is written in stone. He had like two girlfriends before he surrendered to my charms in sixth year.” Harry laughed, because his godfather said the last bit batting his eyelashes dramatically.

“So the two of you dated in school?”

“Yes. We got together a year before your mom finally surrendered and started dating your dad. I remember when she finally accepted to go on a date with him. Moony and I were hanging in the dorms when he kicked the door open and then proceeded to pass out on the floor.” Harry loved to hear stories about his dad, but right now he was more interested in Sirius’ life.

“Should I tell Moony that I know?” Harry asked.

“I’ll tell him later we got your blessing. Otherwise he might pass out on you.” Sirius joked. “And you Harry? Is there anyone from school you like?”

“What!? No! That's gross!” He was thirteen, he was clearly not interested in girls - or boys. 

“Ah I see. Are you sure about it, though? What about Hermione?” Sirius got a playful smile that Harry didn’t appreciate. “She’s a pretty girl.” 

“No! I mean, yeah, she is pretty, but I don't like her, Sirius.” Harry was aware that his voice was raising “She’s like my sister!! I'm not into her! Stop laughing!” 

“What are you two shouting about?” Remus entered the room with a cup of tea just in time to save Harry from Sirius’ teasing.

“Sirius is making fun of me!” Harry yelled.

“Harry got a crush~” Sirius teased in a sing song voice. They were both talking at the same time, Remus looked confused. 

Moony sat down next to Harry and handed him a cup of tea. It smelled of lavender. “Stop annoying the kid, Sirius...”

“Thank you!” Harry said, grateful for the tea and being saved from Sirius.

“... if you make fun of him, he’ll never ask Hermione out!” 

“Oh, my God! Not you too! I swear I do not like her!” Both men were laughing at Harry’s embarrassment. 

“I know Harry. Still you should had seen your face!” Moony said, patting his back.

“I told you he was an arse!” It was now time for Harry to laugh and for Remus to look offended.

“What kind of nonsense did you feed the kid? I am the perfect gentleman.” he rebutted. They kept talking for a while. About Remus’ potty mouth and how he was far from being a gentleman. About Harry’s friends and about his parents. Before he was aware of it, someone was taking the cup out of his hands and he was falling asleep on Sirius’ shoulder, the voices of the two men drifting away, along with the room smelling of cigarettes and dust.

**Author's Note:**

> Next: Shopping trips, therapy, birthdays and parents/teacher reunions.
> 
> Thanks you so much for reading! This was something i been wanting to do for years about many different topics, it’s a nice way to practice my english writing. 
> 
> Btw i talk about some of those subjects by personal experiences so it doesn’t mean everyone goes true it the same way.
> 
> Especial thanks to my wife Pwip that listened to my whining about this fic (and thanks to my psychic twin that listens to me and she doesn’t even like Harry Potter) 
> 
> Here is some sketches i made, thats how i picture Sirius specially, because i like his design so much i wrote a fic about it, now I will shut up and die.  
> https://twitter.com/navajja/status/1226545510175191040?s=21


End file.
